by: Ronda White
The abuse began when I was 7 years old. I use to believe my grandpa when he would tell me we are going to play a game that all granddaughters and grandpas play. He would tell me the game was really fun but it was a secret game. I never had fun but it was definitely a secret.
It all started the night my mom was in a serious car wreck. She was rushed to the ER and Grandma went to stay with her leaving me and my brothers alone with grandpa. My brothers and Grandpa decided I could have the only room in the house and they would all three bunk in the living room. AboutI was awakened by the bedroom door being opened and grandpa sneaking in. He told me to be quiet while we played a . He began to undress me and touch me in places that I didn’t know I wasn’t suppose to be touched in. Before he left the room he made sure to tell me not to speak a word of our game to anyone.
This continued to happen for about 2 years. Then one of my friends told me about some man being arrested for touching little girls and I began to wonder is what he doing to me ok. The next time he came to play his game I told him I was going to tell my mom because this game wasn’t fun or right. He told me if I told he would kill my family. So I kept quiet and it continued for 2 more years and I got the nerve onewhile helping grandpa make coffee to tell him that when I went to church I was going to tell the Preacher what he was doing to me. I never went to church that day because as soon as I spoke those words he threw a cup of coffee at me and punched me in the stomach. Then he said “I am the adult and you are the child. I know right from wrong and you are suppose to do whatever I say.”
So it kept happening because I kept letting it happen until the day I turned 13. I went to school and spilled my guts to the guidance counselor who assured me I was right to tell her and she contacted DSS. I went home that day and told mom everything. She didn’t believed me and called me a nasty whore who was trying to ruin her family and told me to get the hell out of her house. So I ran away. At this age of course the cops are going to bring you back home so I refused to go back and made a scene so the cops wouldn’t take me back there. I was taken to a local hospital and then put in to a mental hospital where I under went pysch evaluations for 1 month and took every medicine know to earth. I left there with the diagnosis of PTDS, Anxiety Disorder, and Mood Disorder. I was put into foster care. I stayed there until I was tired of theraphy and being slapped with names of all kinds of mental disorders. So I began running away from there which resulted in me being put back in a hospital for about 1 or 2 weeks.
I finally gave up fighting the world and moved back home. To this day mom still doesn’t believe me, I still fight flashbacks constantly and I have never forgiven myself nor my grandfather. I never had my day in court because DSS investigated. They went to his house with the cops got him to confess and that was it. Nothing happen. I tell the truth and he confesses and gets to walk free. He has the ability to hurt another helpless little girl and there is nothing I can do to stop him.