A Letter to the Girl Who Came After Me
A letter to the girl who came after me,
You have never met me. The people who love me tell me not to worry about you. I know that if I really told you any of this you wouldn’t believe me because I’m “the psycho ex,” the one who was abused and mistreated because she was horrible and sick, both in her body and mind. I didn’t deserve that abuse but I know you’ve been told otherwise.
Let me tell you something about this person you’re “in love” with, this person you think is the “best boyfriend ever”
HE IS A RAPIST. He raped me. Twice. He turned me over, held me down, ignored my screams and sobs and raped me. Afterward, the first time, he vomited all over my bathroom. After being betrayed in the most violent, dehumanizing way possible by the person I thought I loved most in the world, I had to clean his foul smelling alcoholic vomit off of my floor, my wall, my toilet, my towels. If only cleaning up and putting together my soul had been as easy.
He hit me. He told me I deserved it. He didn’t leave a bruise, but he did hit me perfectly in the sciatic nerve so my legs were numb for the rest of the week.
Now I can’t preach to you because I loved him, too. I stayed with him, despite the humiliation and torment and pain. But you should know all the facts. The next time he tells you he cares about you, remember that mouth told me I was worthless and that no one would ever want me. The next time he holds your hand, remember those hands were used to hold me down while I screamed and cried to be let go. The next time he makes love to you, remember those same motions were used to take away a part of me I will never be able to get back.
Just so you know.
The girl who came before you