His Kind of Love
by: Kylee M.
She wishes he would leave her alone, to be the girl she can be, the best she can be. But with his angry words and hurtful actions, in her mind, the best she could be would only exist in her dreams.
As she lies in her room she goes to a fantasy world, a world where everything is beautiful and she can be free from this monster. She knows he will be in anytime, but she stays in that fantasy place as long as she can and when she hears his soft whisper, tears start rolling down her face. He places his hand on her back while the other softly creases her face. He can feel the wetness of her sorrow but that doesn’t stop him. In her mind, no one can stop him. He tells her to turn around and take her clothes off, he says, “Don’t be a bad girl, you know what I want”. She does what he says and she lies down and closes her eyes. He touches her breasts and she moans, she knows better than not to act as if he is giving her absolute pleasure. His hand goes slowly down her stomach and she knew what was coming, his three fingers penetrate her vagina three times and then his whole hand, harder and harder each time, she doesn’t cry out or scream, she knows she can’t. She opens her eyes and his face, full of power and control, consumes her thoughts. His unpredictability frightens her. He grabs her hand and places it on his penis, she hesitates and lays there, he says, “give it to me, you know you want this big cock in your mouth, tell me you do”. She doesn’t say anything but she does what he wants. He likes her to talk dirty to him, but she never does. She is young; she doesn’t know what to say or how to say it. He gets mad, he throws her on her stomach and she cries, he tells her how awful she is at making love, and how ugly and fat she is. He penetrates deep into her anus and her jaw clenches, she does everything in her power to keep it in. She doesn’t want to wake the family, and upset him.
He tells her he loves her, and he wouldn’t be doing this if he didn’t. She wonders why no one else does this to her. Does no one else love her?
She doesn’t go to school the next day, he makes her go to work with him. She sits in the backseat of his white Yukon and waits for him. Waits for him to rape her in anyway he wants. She is a slave to him. He drives to a secluded area and he tells her how beautiful she is and how amazing she makes him feel. Her thoughts race with confusion, she doesn’t understand his fickle words.
As he went back into work she laid in the backseat of his car and cried and slept. Just hours later he came back to have his way with her. Her body was tired and could barely move, how she could endure so much pain and live to tell the story was a miracle. When he touched her this time she did not moan with satisfaction, he was enraged. He put her on her stomach and penetrated her anus while putting his entire hand into her vagina. His pleasure was her worst nightmare and all she wanted was for it all to go away. He would have his way with her many more times that day, but his inconsistency really got to her. The unknown was scary.
I was fifteen, and this was one of the many times I was victimized by my stepfather. I want to share my story and let my voice be heard. I want others to be inspired by my story and survival. I want to help young girls and boys who are victims of sexual abuse and I want them to know that there are others out there who have experienced what they have.