Already Broken

by: Laura B.

It was June of 1994. I was 17 and already broken. I had been raped at 14 and sexually assaulted at 16. I thought I had been through the worst. I was to find out that I really didn’t know anything.

Since school was out it was time for me to get a job. So I started working part-time as a Hostess and Driver for Homewood Suites Hotel. My job was to serve beer and food to guests at the hotel. Sometimes I’d set up for big banquet parties or take guests to the airport. A lot of the guests would finish their meals then go outside , with their beer, to the hotel’s in ground pool. When I got done with my work, sometimes I’d use the pool too. New York does get very humid in the summer months.

I had been working from 4:00pm to 8:00pm for about 2 months. Every night I’d walk home, it took only 8 minutes to walk. Every night was the same until late July. On this night it took me 30 min to walk home. I got there after midnight. What happened between 8:00pm and 11:45 pm changed my life and still effects me to this day.

Being the broken girl I was, when a kind looking man showed interest in me, I gobbled it up. That night my friend, Jennifer, had come to use the hotel’s pool with me after work. I told her about the nice man who invited me to his room for a soda and some conversation.  I had seen him at dinner many times before and he was always nice and quiet. He had told me one afternoon that he was in town on business and had a fiancé and an Irish-Setter. He hated going on trips because he loved his family so much and didn’t want to be away from them. His name was Steve. He looked to be about 32 years old. He had thinning blond hair, pale skin, and soft blue eyes. He looked as if he had a heart filled with gold.. I instinctively trusted him and looked up to him. So I jumped at the chance to talk with him more. He seemed so smart and he told me I was smart too , and that I was pretty.  I had needed to hear these things so badly. I guess Steve could sense that I was already broken.

Jennifer and I went to Steve’s room after I got off work. When he opened the door I saw 4 other men in the room and shot glasses and liquor all over the room. Everyone was talking calmly and acting normal so I thought nothing of it. Neither did Jennifer. She went and sat on the couch  squeezed between 2 of the 4 men. Steve gave us both a soda and asked me to come into the bedroom so that we could talk in private. As soon as the door closed behind me, I knew I had made a terrible error in judgment. He locked the door and began kissing me. I was flattered by his attraction to me and at the same time felt ashamed. This was not why I came here.

I started to protest my pushing him away, with no luck. He then pushed me back onto the bed and began removing my clothing. I thought to myself, ” If I just lay here and let him finish, I can go home and forget all about it.” He did not undress. Just let his pants fall to his knees. He grabbed my arms and held them above my head. I couldn’t believe his grip was so strong.  Before he entered me he asked me a question. “Have you ever had 12 inches in you before? “  I had no time to respond before he forced himself into me. The pain shot through me like a knife had been twisted into my stomach. Tears started to roll down my face. I still thought that if I just lay here and take it, it’ll be over quicker and I can go home. Steve saw my tears and said, ” I knew you like it, tell my how much you like it, tell me how much you want my cock inside your cunt.” I couldn’t get any words out, all I could do was try to make my mind go away until this was all over. Then all of the sudden, he pulled out of me and flipped me onto my stomach. With one hand he held my arms above my head, with the other hand he had grabbed a pillow. He made another demand for me to speak, ” Tell me you want me to put my cock in your ass!” This time I had no trouble speaking, I tearfully said, “No, please no!” He acted as if I hadn’t said a thing. He placed the pillow over my head, and seconds later he entered me again. I felt as if I were on fire. I screamed and screamed. My voice turned hoarse but still I screamed and struggled as much as I could. When he was done, I curled up naked on the bed, covered in blood and sobbing. He threw a towel at me and told me to go take a shower. He followed me to make sure that no one saw me as I switched rooms. As I stood in the shower crying, I thought about Jennifer. I had left her alone with those other men, was she ok? I tried to look as normal as possible when I came into the main room. Jennifer was right were she had been before and she merely looked bored. I told her we had to leave now. Jennifer walked me home. She never said anything during that walk; neither did I.