Trust Taken, Faith Restored

by: Leandra K.

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I lay awhile in silence, for I awoke in shock and fear.
The medication subsiding and my mind becoming clear.
I recall his hands upon me and his body pressed on mine.
As the night events unravel, the tears stream from my eyes.
My husband hears me crying. He asks, ” Sweetie, are you hurt?”
The room grows deathly silent — then I fear the very worse.
The memories still hazy — I felt lost and so confused.
I could see him stand above me videotaping the abuse.
My mind replays the nightmare. I have never felt such shame.
My Doctor drugged and raped me! — I will never be the same.

My emotions overwhelming, feeling fragile and alone.
I call and wake my neighbor and run quickly to her home.
Frantically, I confide in her as I stare in complete dismay….
Wondering why this all happened — on that awefull Valentines Day.
Returning home I saw my children resting peacefully.
But my heart sank as my mind flashed, yet another memory.

As I tried to fight sedation and slipped in and out of sleep.
My newborn lay beside me — almost within reach.
The Doctor whom I had trusted, without warning then decides….
to sexually assault me with my baby at my side.
Screaming out in anger, shame, fustration, guilt and grief.
I choke back the lump in my throat and collapse in disbelief.
Sobbing on my daughter’s bed and feeling so naive,
I wrestle whether to call police — Will anyone believe???…………..

I tried to summon courage up to make that frightening call.
Yet humiliation plagued me and I felt vulnerable and small.
Wondering how I would make it, with my head hung in disgrace.
I felt God’s awesome power and His true amazing grace.
I heard Him softly whisper…..The truth will set you free. ( John 8:32 )
as well as…
I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me. ( Philippians 4:13 )
Still distraught and very shaken, I decided what to do.
I would lean on Christ and follow him….. for he would see me through..

With a blanket wrapped around me and sitting all alone.
I connected with the dispatch and spoke to them on the phone….
The police responded quickly — I met them both in my front yard.
I hadn’t told my husband yet — I couldn’t break his heart!
The next few months were difficult but God was always true.
And in our weakest moments, it was Christ who lead us through.

With my assailant now in prison, Life would be easier it seems……
Yet sometimes at night I tremble and awaken from my dreams.
I can feel his hands upon me….. I can see his frightening glare.

—- and in those moments —-

I fall to my knees and cry to the Lord in prayer.

As I heal from this painful experience and learn to trust again —
Christ has calmed the stormy weather that was raging deep within.
I can see the many blessings — where He held me by his side.
and although the shore was rocky — He had calmed the oceans tide.
God has laid upon my heart for me to share this humbling story,
and may others find strength through it and may Christ receive the Glory.

Romans 8:28…ALL things work together for GOOD to them that love GOD.

…..learning to forgive……….