Fears for Years – Released by Tears
by: Heather Marie Laica
I took some time to look within- To see who I am- To see where I’ve been.
I lost myself- in this past I can’t escape-
I became a mess- I thought for a moment that-death was my fate.
I was trying to run from it- erase all of my pain.. I was trying to get away- feeling like I would never be the same-
I had one night where everything came back at once..
Where bit by bit I felt myself slowly come undone…
Everything my mind “forgot” Everything my heart concealed..
was brought to my memory and suddenly it all-felt so incredibly real.
I was ready to give up and ready to give in..
I hated this part of me- that simply existed- because of him.
It took me a while to realize how low I had gotten-
How afraid I became-
as all of this sadness-quickly poured down on me like rain.
I stepped back- I took a breath- I looked at my life and all I have left.. I simplified what matters- and saw within the heart- I decided- to quiet this cling and clatter and somehow find my way to a new start..
Each day- I am so grateful for the people who choose to be in my life-
I say this with truth- because it is all that feels right..
I found the desire to let go of what I kept trap inside for so many years…
I decided to write everything down-and poured my past out through the ink of a pen-
The words started to bleed as they slowly became saturated with tears.
Then Along a quiet little lake I found a place of peace-
and though My heart wanted to break- eventually the pain did cease…
I took a breath in as and let the wind give me strength to breathe my words off the page-
It was intense- but freeing as well.. like- releasing a bird from the confines of it’s cage..
I was there with my friend the one who is dearest to my heart and i feel a connection with that goes deep within my soul…
She supported me as I read my thoughts.. and with 3 simple words… she helped find my strength.. to find a way..to regain some control….
Within that moment- I made a promise- and I swore that I would make a change- and now I will continue to work to keep happiness within my range….
Days go by- and I have my moments- that memories overwhelm my mind- but i let them come and i let them go..I trust in the rythm of life- and I must allow it to naturally flow.