This passage stuck out to me in Jennifer’s story:
“I made some poor decisions, but I am not to blame. When I was going through training at the East Texas Crisis Center I was told something that I repeat to myself every time I start to mentally play the “If only I’d…” game (which I still play to this day) and that is: ‘Just because you leave your door unlocked, doesn’t give someone the right to come in and steal your things.’ “
So many of us point to each of our actions that came before our sexual assault, trying to come up with a logical reason for what happened. We say “If only I didn’t have that last drink,” “If only I didn’t let myself trust him,” “If only I hadn’t kissed him,” “If only I fought back harder,” and so on until our brains are exhausted.
Jennifer’s words truly reveal the error in this thought pattern. Rape is not a punishment for poor judgment. Rape is not a punishment for drinking too much. Rape is not a punishment for kissing. Rape is not a punishment for trusting.
We are not to blame.